number: disgusting

Tomorrow I am co-hosting a Pampered Chef Party (yay!).

So, I have been cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, etc. today.

I have to admit, I am exhausted.

But, despite the fact that I am exhausted I just looked into my microwave just to check to see if it needed some cleaning.

This is what I saw:

Yes, disgusting.

I became horrified with the thought of someone opening up my microwave tomorrow and thinking, "Sick, this girl lives in a barn!"

I can't have the judgement placed upon me.

I immediately grabbed the Windex, my cleaner of choice in all situations just like on My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and starting hosing the sucker down.

My microwave is now clean.

So, you can come over whenever you like and look in my microwave.

I dare you.

...until next time...

number: tuesdays with marinara

Tuesday morning was the morning from a not so nice place.

Tuesday morning marked a significant memory for me.

And here's how:

Actually, I awoke still elated from meeting the Pioneer Woman.

I was happy! I couldn't wait to jump in the shower and get ready to go to work.

I then did my hair and make-up.

I was on time. No, I was early- something I am not very often.

Then these three characters walked in:

Here's what happened:

I walked into the kitchen in my bathrobe to get my clothes out of the dryer.

But then I thought, "Hey, why not get my food ready? Then I can get my clothes and be even earlier." I think this was Diablo speaking. He usually likes to say things like this when mornings are looking so high up you can see the heavens.

So, I open my pantry to get this breakfast of champions:

Only the bag was a bit more full at the time.

I greedily pulled out the cereal to put in its travel container only to knock over this:

I watched in slow motion as the 26-ounce jar of marinara spiraled out of control.

There it was just spinning while I watched dumbfounded and hung on to that giant bag of under-priced cereal...there it was...just a jar...floating in air...

Aaaaannnddd then it shattered into a million pieces on my lovely tile floor.

Needless to say, glass and marinara were everywhere.

Then this guy, Raleigh:

Decided it would be a good idea to lick the pieces of glass free of the marinara sauce.

I decided that instead of making the situation worse in having my dog die from insecurity about being tongueless I distracted him so he would get outside.

The distraction was only so-so in its effectiveness because in the meantime he started jumping and my robe was getting loose...the neighbors might have seen more than they wanted to...I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, now it was time to go back inside and use these:

I started to clean up the mess but then my bathrobe kept plunging itself into the pile of marinara sauce. What was I to do?!?

Yeah, you guessed it, I took off my bathrobe.

So, there I was looking like this:

In the middle of my kitchen cleaning up marinara and glass...attempting to avoid getting glass stuck in my foot but really always getting glass stuck in my foot, while Raleigh, my dog, is jumping up and hitting the back door of the house for me to let him in so I am hearing "BANG! BANG!" about every six seconds.

Then my phone rings. It's my carpool ride. I can't pick up the phone because I am cleaning up marinara off the floor, the cracks of the door, under the bag of dog food, I'm naked, and Raleigh is calling for my attention.

She went to work without me.

but don't hate her...I had a car at my disposal. I decided going green was overrated on Tuesdays.

Needless to say, it was a morning.

I felt like I was Alexander in the middle of his Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Maybe I really should move to Australia.

...until next time...

number: PW...The best day of my LIFE!!!

Yesterday brought a turn of events my friends.

Yesterday I met The Pioneer Woman.

It truly was a happy day.

I awoke with a spring in my step.

I mean it was the day I was going to meet Ree- my blogging best friend!

Please, let me have my moment. It doesn't have to be yours- I live in a different universe where celebrities know my name.

I got to Walmart- the cookbook signing destination- around 5:15 pm.

The book signing started around 6:00 pm when Ree arrived.

I met up with these ladies ^^ right about 5:30 pm.

Lauren is on the left. She and I went to college together and share many hilarious memories with each other. I love her. And she loves the Pioneer Woman just like I do. Needless to say we were ridiculous together. There might have been squealing and sweating involved.

View Lauren's blog here

Ok! Moving on...Melanie is on the right.

I adore Mel. She is one of my closest friends.

Her one flaw is that she does not really dream about Ree Drummond being her bffe.

Melanie doesn't write Ree's name over and over on the cover of her binder.

She doesn't write Ree + Mel = The Coolest Friends Ever on pieces of paper

So, some of you are thinking, "Um, Laura you are not cool. Melanie is cool." Ah! What?! ...You're so right...I think I'm still just a little fat girl inside.

So, our adventure continued as we waited for about an hour and a half til we got to this part right here:

Meeting Marlboro Man! This is Pioneer Woman's husband. He was very nice. He signed my cookbook. It was so fun- as you can tell, Lauren and I are geeking out right about now.

We waited for about another 15-30 minutes to meet this woman right here:

THE PIONEER WOMAN!

There are four things I want you to recognize:

1. The incredibly excited smile on my face- I'm like a kindergartener at recess

2. How gorgeous Ree is- isn't she just beautiful?

3. The Pumpkin Spice Cupcake I brought her from Cupcakes on Kavanaugh- the most delicious cupcakery in Little Rock

4. My skin. It's glowing. Why?! Because I am as pale as a ghost! People asked who Lauren and Melanie's formerly alive friend was. I am running to a tanning salon stat. Cooper, my dermatologist husband, is yelling how I'll end up his poster child for skin cancer. I put in my ear plugs and started running around singing, in which case he stopped to take a video.

I'm the next YouTube sensation.

It's always a party at the Keane house.

Well, folks, I'm back! Hope you're in for the ride!

...until next time...

number: YEEEEE!!!!!

I just met The Pioneer Woman

aka

Ree Drummond.

Let's all take a second to go, "YEEEEE!!!!" How excited am I?!

I just have to say, "It was so fun!"

I have linked over to The Pioneer Woman over there ----->

Check out her award-winning blog- yes, award-winning with a dash. You know you've gone big time when you have to use a dash between words to describe your blog.

I have much to say on this, but for now I must say that I am so glad I got to meet the woman who inspired this incredible blog. She truly is the blogging guru. Okay, not really, but she is very nice. I will explain more. Just know that this meeting involves a cookbook, loads of women, and two friends- one of whom I have barely seen since college.

Stick around my fine fellows and fair ladies! There is more to come.

...until next time...

number: 2 things

Two Things:

1. I totally stink at keeping promises about blogging more.

What's my deal?!

Sorry to you lovers of this blog.

2. Today's blog post is officially dedicated to: kids these days.

Now, I do not consider myself to be an oldie. Nor a goodie.

*I really hope no one calls me a goodie when I'm older. Goodies remind me of Girl Scout Cookies, Little Debbies, and well...Tasty Cakes. I can't imagine being referred to something that contains nothing but artery-clogging deliciousness as an elderly woman. What an insult. I mean, I bet my arteries probably will be clogged, but please don't remind me of it by my nickname- sheesh!*

But I must say that kids/teenagers are just different than my friends and I were whenever I was in high school- which was 6-10 years ago depending on the year you're counting. Wowza.

Okay, so the whole point of this is that I've noticed lately that because of texting teenagers cannot type correctly.

I have a family member who is a teenager.

One day I looked at his facebook page and his girlfriend had written,

"You sux at bak n :)"

Um, what?!

What's really so hard in writing "You suck at baking"?

If I were any older, I probably would not understand that sentence. *Luckily, I'm still somewhat "hip & with it."*

Did I really use that many more letters and was that much more grammatically correct so that you could not type such a sentence- as crass as it is?

Additionally, these youngsters seem only satisfied to respond to any question about their life or interest with, "I don't know." or "Whatever."

You don't know what happened at school? Are you taking drugs or are you just out of your mind? Whatever? You don't have a favorite food or you like all of them? These phrases, people...I need more detail!

I gotta say, children were just more respectful and decent in my day in age.

*Mom, stop rolling your eyes. I know we weren't, but let me have my fun, okay?! Gosh, you're always telling me what to do and treating me like a CHILD! Mom, I am no longer a baby! I can't wait to go to be an adult and do whatever I want!!*

Bless my parent's hearts. My younger sister followed suit right after I got shipped off to college.

I guess not too much has really changed. Sure kids are under more pressure than ever to do stuff they shouldn't do...but what is that?! Kids, just do what your auntie Laura says and just say no! That outta teach 'em. Anyway, I guess this post really is to say that although teenagers are expressing how ridiculous they are through texting here in 2009, I am sure that I was just as ridiculous when I was pubescent nut-case.

...until next time...

number: busy-ness

When I started this bloggin' thing I thought I would be super-blogger.

I would blog all the time.

I would share hilarious stories and you all would keel over in laughter...tears streaming down your face due to the elation and joy you felt in your heart.

And while I would like to believe we've had some of those times...we have definitely not had those times the past couple weeks.

And here's why:

I have become busy.

Busy with life.

I forgot how much activity the fall brings.

I am currently tired.

I am tired when I wake up.

I am tired when I am driving to work.

A friend-who shall remain nameless- recently confessed to me that she sometimes convinces herself to close one eye while she drives just so she can conserve a bit of energy.

I think I might start doing this. Reckless behavior is my middle name!

I am tired when I am driving home from work.

To sum this up: I am tired.

This really is just a post for me to explain my position of tired/busy-ness.

I am not saying this to make myself superior- people begin to compete whenever you say you're busy or tired. They say things like, "Oh, well you just can't understand how tired I am! Try having x y or z on your plate!" That's lame. Can't we just be tired together and watch new episodes of Glee, Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice?

Ummmm...I can hear you judging me. Whatever. Don't be jealous of the trashy-trash that I love!

So, I hope we can all still be friends.

I solemnly swear to blog at least once a week.

After all, we need to keep in touch.

We're like pen-pals.

Except this is kinda one-way.

Like a street.

Or a dysfunctional relationship. Like that of my relationship with Diet Coke. The DC just takes advantage of my vulnerability and dependence. What am I even saying?!

Hope you all have a great week! Happy October 1oth, y'all!

...until next time...

number: rabbit rabbit day

Rabbit Rabbit Day is coming up soon!

"What is rabbit rabbit day?!" you might ask.

I am just as enthused.

Well, rabbit rabbit day is the first day of the month.

I learned this on nickelodeon when I was at the wee little age of 7 or 8 years.

On the first day of the month you are supposed to wake up and say,

"Rabbit, Rabbit!"

for good luck to come for the month.

...I think...

Honestly, I really can't remember more than you're supposed to say

"Rabbit, Rabbit!"

So, this month, I challenge all of you to wake up and exclaim,

"RABBIT, RABBIT!"

This will probably scare the pants off anyone who is near you.

But, hey, for the sake of fun kick off your tight laced shoes and do a jig while sayin' this.

You might just end up on the news for acting like a crazy person!

And by all means...continue...and send me a link of a video of you doing this.

I want to see it.

You know...the word rabbit is a silly word. Saying the word rabbit over and over makes you kinda want to go nutty. Who came up with this english language?

Well, I guess some guy married some girl a long time ago and they couldn't talk to each other, but both had latin based languages and they came up with English.

I am digressing.

So, happy end of September, everyone!

I hope the next new month brings lots of luck and joy to your life.

...until next time...