number: the "tw"s of twhis tworld

I consider myself to be a fairly with it gal.

I pride myself on having a pseudo good taste in fashion, music and all things truly cool.

This holds true in all areas of my life except for two:

Twitter

and

Twilight

I understand that these two subjects are of a huge phenomena around the world.

I know a lot of people that are into them.

Emotions fly high whenever people mention these two subjects.

There are just a few things that are, well, holdin' me back.

Let me explain my position on each of these...

To begin, let's start with Twitter.

Twitter is a program designed for anyone and everyone to know the most intimate details of your business. And when I say the most intimate...I mean things like:

"Out for a walk"

"Going to Lowe's"

"Sitting around watching television"

Okay, people, seriously?

You get a good-looking background on Twitter so that everything looks pretty when you say,

"I'm going to Lowe's"?!

I don't care if you're going to Lowe's! I don't care if you are going for a walk.

I.do.not.care.

Unless you are the best of the best of celebrities and you are about to go to a

"Creme de la Creme" event, as I put it, then I definitely do not want to know where you are going. And even if you are a celebrity, I can read about it in People. I don't need to follow you, Ashton Kutcher, CNN, or Ellen.

Please, keep it to yourself.

One of my friends tried to convince me to get Twitter because,

"It's another thing you get to check!"

Excuse me, dear friend, I love you very much.

But that is a lame excuse.

At this point in my life I have enough to check.

Or at least balance the checks that I have already written. *and bounced- yikes!*

Mom, Dad, that was a joke. I don't bounce checks.

Also, Twitter is designed to make people out to be birds.

You "tweet" your postings. The icon for Twitter is a bird.

Excuse me.

Birds are not people.

People are not birds.

And here's why:

1. Birds, unlike common belief and common terminology would have you believe, eat a lot of food in one day. They can afford to do this because they fly around a lot. On the flip side pigs do not eat a lot of food. They just eat sloppy food. And don't move around very rapidly to burn off the 10,000 calories they just ate

Birds: Polite, Skinny, Large Volume Eaters Pigs: Not so much

To me, most people seem to be more like pigs on that issue.

Although, I will give it to them, "Twitter" is a catchier name than "Swinner"

2. Birds are disgusting creatures that hold many germs and diseases.

Before swine flu it was bird flu.

I'm just sayin'.

3. Have you ever seen Alfred Hitchcock's, "The Birds"? Honestly, thought it was lame, but it adds to my point: You never know what those no portion control petri dishes are going to do. They just stand on lamp posts and stare at you with greed in their eyes.

Then they attack you for your hair to put in their nest.

Birds are aggressive animals.

Here in lies my point:

Until people start descending upon me from the power lines with great aggression and hatred in their eyes, food hanging out of their mouths, with thousands of parasites living on them, I will not consider people to be like birds.

Nor will I join Twitter for these said reasons.

There is much to say about Twilight, but I just realized how I have rambled on about Twitter.

Please stay tuned for tomorrow's post.

I would go on, I just don't want to overwhelm you.

I kinda like you guys.

After all you guys keep me from speaking to the empty void, known as

"You are a blogger with absolutely no followers"

So, thanks! See you tomorrow!

....until next time...